Sometimes

Sometimes I just want to
Shut it all out
And shut everyone up;
Force you to stop talking
And listen –
Really listen –
To what I have to say.

Sometimes I just want to
Scream at you loudly
'Til you lower your ego
And pay attention –
Actually understand –
What I'm trying to say.

Sometimes I just have to
Stay quiet and stupid
And take everything you give
'Coz I won't talk back –
Not allowed to talk back.
And I scream in a pillow
Instead.

My most private place
I can't even use
'Coz you barge in and say
"You're under my roof now!"
And I wish it was
Someone else's roof.

Someone not as hypocritical,
Someone not as judgmental,
Temperamental
Egoistic
Impervious to my pleas
Deaf to my cries.

Sometimes I wish you were
Someone else
Who, instead of punished,
Loved and understood
And actually tried.

Sometimes I want to
Slink away to another
Who (I think) loves me more.
You wouldn't care
If I was gone.

Sometimes I wonder
So many things like:
Am I really so dumb?
Am I really living aimlessly?
Do I have no ambition?
Do you believe in me?
Do you really think that?
Are you real?
Are you mine?
Do you even love me
Like you love my brother?

Sometimes I hope that
Someday you'll accept me
And not care that I
Want to write for a living,
And that I want to do things
Differently than you.

Sometimes I dream of a day –
Someday – when I'll show you
And make you proud
And prove you wrong.
And that day you won't
Ignore me, make me feel
Insecure and stupid.

Sometimes I think you'll never understand,
Somehow you'll always be ignorant
But then I know that…
I'm sure that…
Someday, somehow,
I'll prove you wrong,
Shut you up,
Lower your ego,
And make you proud.

Because I'm not perfect.